1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,304
Here's your check.

2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:06,774
I didn't charge you for
the fries, 'cause I ate them.

3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,111
[Drone propellers whirring]

4
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,448
[Gasps]
Max, look out!

5
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:17,251
The diner water bugs
are getting really big.

6
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:20,121
Relax, it's the diner's new
surveillance drone.

7
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,223
God, you empty the register
five or ten times,

8
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,225
suddenly there's no trust.

9
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:30,464
So to be clear, we're out of
soap but we have a drone?

10
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,301
I hate that han's just sitting
in back, watching us,

11
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,470
working his little joy stick.

12
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:41,775
Please, no one's getting any joy
out of han's little stick.

13
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,744
This is so annoying.

14
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,846
It's following me.

15
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,082
Well, with a butt that flat,
it's the only black thing

16
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:51,519
that's ever going to follow you.

17
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,155
Ugh, there's another drone
out here?

18
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,590
I just killed one in the kitchen
with a fly swatter.

19
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:57,825
Go.

20
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,527
I mean, if I wanted
to be spied on,

21
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,129
I'd change my name to achmed,

22
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:05,833
and buy a condo
near the airport.

23
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,435
Whatever happened
to buying a painting

24
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,803
of an old sea captain,
drilling out the eye holes,

25
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:11,705
and hiding behind it?

26
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,541
Not cool, han.

27
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,419
And the worst part is,
it's moving around so much,

28
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:18,679
I can't find my good angle.

29
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,881
Not cool and not han.

30
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,451
I stole this
while he was explaining to me

31
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,787
why a 77-year-old man,
on minimum wage,

32
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,490
doesn't need health care.

33
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,192
Earl, that is awesome.

34
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,528
Not really.
I need that health care.

35
00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:35,896
No, that you stole that.

36
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,174
We need to do something
that will make han

37
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,767
never want to spy on us again.

38
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,171
Oleg, open your pants.

39
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,807
Earl, fly that camera in there.

40
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,743
But first,
take off your underwear.

41
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:54,182
Underwear?

42
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:57,685
Come on.
What am I, five?

43
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,720
Inches?

44
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:05,293
Oleg, aren't you at all worried
about Earl's cataracts?

45
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,795
Best case scenario,
i get a little manscaping.

46
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:13,267
Worst case, I've been meaning
to get circumcised.

47
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,669
[Han's screams]

48
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:16,670
My eyes!

49
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,673
[Screaming]

50
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:23,644
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

51
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,246
[cash register bell dings]

52
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:28,716
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

53
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,267
Max, I'm writing out
the check for our bank loan,

54
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,193
and I'm not quite sure
what our balance is

55
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:44,665
because here under "withdrawals"
you just wrote, "yeah."

56
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,676
Well, if you don't like that,
you're really not going to like

57
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,569
the picture I drew
under "deposits."

58
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,405
I saw it.

59
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,674
Max, zeroes are not balls,
they're not boobs,

60
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:58,446
and they're not googly eyes.

61
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,681
They're just zeroes.

62
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,983
Says you.

63
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,885
I'll go check our balance
at the atm.

64
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,554
Even though the last guy
who touched it

65
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:07,821
had a cold sore so big,

66
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,923
I charged him
for a party of two.

67
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,226
Don't worry. You are not
going to get anything

68
00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,361
from that machine.

69
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,963
Especially cash.

70
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:18,232
Hey, everybody.

71
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,703
Oh, yeah.

72
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,338
Somebody better make me
some eggs

73
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:27,241
because I've been on
a juice cleanse for three hours,

74
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,842
and I'm dizzy.

75
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,878
Yeah.
I mean, they call it a fast,

76
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,914
but it sure does go slow.

77
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,717
I was on a three weeks fast,
once.

78
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,754
Then I realized my mother
wasn't coming home.

79
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,524
So I made a sandwich.

80
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,459
Oleg and my wedding is coming up

81
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,596
and we're trying to eat clean.

82
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,731
Yeah, baby, 'cause you know
we're eating dirty

83
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:55,336
on the honeymoon.

84
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,770
[Screaming]

85
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,006
Oh, dear god, what?

86
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:02,643
Another used condom
in the receipt slot?

87
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,412
- Worse.
- What?

88
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:09,550
Stuff that should be
in a condom but isn't?

89
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,885
We're below zero.

90
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,756
Oh, well, i better go, y'all.

91
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,892
A white woman screaming
anywhere in my vicinity

92
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:22,430
never turns out well.

93
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:23,664
This is a disaster.

94
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,898
I've been at zero,

95
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,568
but I've never
had less than zero.

96
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,036
Oh, don't say that, Caroline.

97
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:33,741
I mean, you're forgetting
about your dating options.

98
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,709
We have less than zero money

99
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,646
and no way
of paying off our bank loan.

100
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,481
Oh, my god.
It happened.

101
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,083
I'm working class.

102
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,686
Hey. I've waited tables
with you for four years

103
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,489
and there's no way you could
call what you do working.

104
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,827
Cupcakes!

105
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,063
Buy cupcakes.

106
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:59,600
Buy cupcakes!

107
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,834
Stop.

108
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,803
You look more desperate
than Justin bieber

109
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:06,774
in that Calvin klein ad.

110
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,476
You don't understand
the seriousness

111
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,977
of this bank situation.

112
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,914
You don't understand the rules
of world of warcraft.

113
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,584
The loan just keeps escalating
and escalating

114
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:19,086
until they close us down.

115
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,855
Cupcakes!
Buy cupcakes!

116
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,858
Buy cupcakes!
Buy cupcakes!

117
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,093
Oh, pay-dirt.
Look.

118
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,729
Here comes a big, fat
frat house guy.

119
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,698
Hey, bitches.

120
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,566
Remember me?

121
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,967
Big Mary.

122
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,570
That's my name.
Don't wear it out.

123
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:39,106
John, we haven't seen you
since pastry school.

124
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,475
Hey, for old times' sake,
want to buy a cupcake?

125
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,111
A dozen?
The shop?

126
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,146
So I came because
i may know of a way

127
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,115
for Max to make
some extra money.

128
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,851
Whatever it is, she'll do it.

129
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:54,021
That was my yearbook quote.

130
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,756
I just got hired
at a new restaurant

131
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:56,900
that's opening
under the high line park

132
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,859
in Manhattan,
and they are looking

133
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,961
for another day pastry chef.

134
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,030
I only have a year
of pastry school

135
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,533
and I was stoned
for, like, a year of that.

136
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,668
I don't know
if I have the skills.

137
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:11,004
[Chuckles]
Oh, girl, you don't.

138
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,542
But the manager, Joe,
wants only pretty people.

139
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:15,743
And what you lack in pastry,

140
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,145
you more than make up
for in pretty.

141
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,147
She'll do it.
You'll do it, Max.

142
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:21,725
And John will be there
to help back you up

143
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:22,916
with his pastry skills.

144
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,953
And 'cause I'm pretty.

145
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,088
I don't belong in a place
like that.

146
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:29,690
It's called "the high."

147
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:33,627
Sounds right.
Give me the deets.

148
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:34,995
Well, good night girls.

149
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,730
Sorry about your bank balance.

150
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:37,931
But I trust you'll both lapse

151
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,769
into denial fairly soon,
as always.

152
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,070
Hello.

153
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,043
Who was she?

154
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:53,814
Hold me closer, tiny dancer.

155
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,919
Oh... Han's not gay.

156
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,421
You forgot the "yet."

157
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,941
Max, maybe button up
a button or two.

158
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,668
It's a dessert bar.
Not a strip bar.

159
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,704
Hey, I need this job,

160
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:20,674
and once this Joe guy takes
one look at these puff pastries,

161
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,051
he might cut me some slack
when he sees

162
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,745
my other "not so puff" pastries.

163
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,914
And you're comfortable
with that?

164
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:27,881
Yup.

165
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,983
Like I guess you're comfortable

166
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,184
applying for a waitress job

167
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:33,854
on just the merits
of your waitress skills.

168
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,059
Should I keep going?

169
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,961
Why?

170
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,863
I'm here.

171
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,232
I'll take those applications.
Hurry, ladies.

172
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:49,703
If I was looking for pretty
and slow, I'd hire Nick Jonas.

173
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,839
Max, let's get out of here.

174
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,807
She reminds me of this nightmare

175
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,843
I'm going to have
for the rest of my life.

176
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,711
Relax, she's just his guard dog.

177
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,279
It's Joe guy we have to impress.

178
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,581
No thank you.

179
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,982
No thank you.

180
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,051
And how dare you?

181
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,256
Oh, I'm sorry, the restaurant
doesn't open until tomorrow.

182
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,791
Actually, no.

183
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,193
Hi. I'm here to apply
for a waitress job.

184
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,895
At your age?

185
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,730
I'm 27!

186
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,198
And?

187
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,634
Max, i can't breathe.

188
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:23,804
And I'm here to apply
for a pastry chef.

189
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,140
Also 27, but I've looked
this old since I was 6.

190
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,611
For a while, I thought I had
that Benjamin button's disease.

191
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,846
I'll take the pastry chef first.

192
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,257
Why don't you sit over there
and wait.

193
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,584
I won't be long,
because frankly,

194
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,286
you don't have the time.

195
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,589
Thank you.
I'll be over there.

196
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:45,626
Applying for social security.

197
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,761
So where did you go
to pastry school,

198
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,630
and why aren't you working now?

199
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:52,032
Manhattan school of pastry,
and I am working.

200
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,034
I have my own cupcake shop
in Brooklyn.

201
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,169
Oh, it's almost over.

202
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,671
This interview? Great.

203
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,573
No. Not the interview.
Brooklyn.

204
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,041
Brooklyn's almost over.

205
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:04,678
Also, cupcakes.

206
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:07,214
Cool. I will tell them.

207
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,682
Wish I knew that
before they all got

208
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,719
their belly buttons pierced
trying to stay cool.

209
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,721
Oh, great.
A sense of humor.

210
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,222
Customers love that.

211
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:18,025
I don't, but they do.

212
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,729
So, um, where's this Joe guy
who's doing the hiring?

213
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,197
There is no "Joe guy."
I'm Joe.

214
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,099
Spelled, j-o-e-d-t-h.

215
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,969
The d-t-h is silent.

216
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,072
As am I,
because I want this job.

217
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:34,274
Well, I guess
i can put these away then.

218
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,943
That was your plan?

219
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:39,312
To expose your breasts and
seduce your way into this job?

220
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:44,084
You say that
like it's a bad thing.

221
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,385
Okay.
Well, bye.

222
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,120
Sit, sit.

223
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,355
If you really can bake,

224
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,290
this position might be
perfect for you.

225
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,692
Also, you have that edgy,

226
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,794
"i don't give a crap" attitude.

227
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:54,928
Customers love that.

228
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,831
I don't, but they do.

229
00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:02,202
Actually, Joe, silent d-t-h,
i can bake.

230
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,771
But how well?

231
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:07,240
My girlfriend and I are
obsessed with French pastry.

232
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:12,279
Oh. Girlfriend
as in "girlfriend,"

233
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,847
or as in two ladies
of a certain age

234
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:17,350
at a cineplex
splitting one thing of popcorn?

235
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:20,253
Everything you just said
offended me.

236
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:23,323
Yeah, that's my brand.

237
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,692
And the fact that you didn't cry

238
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,902
about splitting a popcorn
makes me think

239
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:28,729
it's the first kind of
girlfriend.

240
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,864
How are your macaroons?

241
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,003
Uh... Oh. Mm.

242
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,840
My macaroons?

243
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:42,876
Great.

244
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:46,179
A little bit of French heaven.

245
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,048
What is your name?

246
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,250
Max.

247
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,453
M-a-x.

248
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,288
[Clicks teeth]

249
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,925
Nothing is silent.
Ever.

250
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,127
So I gather.

251
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,130
Okay. Why don't you go
fill out an application, Max.

252
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,832
And you can
put those away again.

253
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,267
I'm really not
into big-breasted women.

254
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,671
Girl, you got this.

255
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,046
First day.
Are you nervous, girl?

256
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,448
Please. Nervous is telling
your elderly mormon parents

257
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,717
that you're gay
after your three older siblings

258
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,787
already came out.

259
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,389
I have no idea what most
of these desserts are.

260
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:33,360
I haven't felt this lost
since the finale of lost.

261
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,797
Max, can you see any of the
Barney's price tags on these?

262
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:37,941
Uh, I think there's one
bunching up

263
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,332
inside the back of your pants.

264
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,803
No, that's the underwear
I'm also returning.

265
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,772
Here she comes.

266
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,406
Hi, ladies.
This is Naomi,

267
00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,175
the dessert bar hostess.

268
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,977
Go, Naomi, go.

269
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:57,951
Gorgeous, but as dumb as whoever
is the hot new idiot right now.

270
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,520
Let me take a look at you.

271
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,756
Good-bye.

272
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,424
Already?

273
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,927
Those pearls.
They have to go.

274
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,161
Really? It's just, well,

275
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,363
I'm kind of emotionally attached
to them.

276
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,966
Well, honey, I love
my half-blind French bulldog,

277
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,236
but I don't wear her
around my neck.

278
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,438
Max, let me take a look.

279
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,439
Love it.

280
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,909
Fabulous.
Well done.

281
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,078
Hi, Joe. Big day.
I'm so excited.

282
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:28,982
Why don't you be excited
in the back, doll?

283
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,784
I want Max up front now.

284
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,520
All my life, people have been
telling me not to come out.

285
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:37,257
Why should here
be any different?

286
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:41,094
Ladies, I just got word that
the New York Tim food critic

287
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,097
may make a surprise visit
this afternoon.

288
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,099
Everything has to be perfect...

289
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,835
The service, the desserts,

290
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,871
the precarious balance
of my meds.

291
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,206
Nothing can go wrong.

292
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,574
Naomi.

293
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,309
Fetch.

294
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:00,447
"Welcome to the high."

295
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,449
"Hi. Welcome to the high."

296
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,884
"Welcome to the high."

297
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:08,155
Stop saying high.
It reminds me I'm not.

298
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,290
Wait, Max, you're not high?

299
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,092
Like, not high at all?

300
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,295
No. I didn't want
to screw today up.

301
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,231
What the hell is wrong with you?

302
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,901
You can't change
who you are today.

303
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:21,902
The New York times is coming.

304
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,303
How will you cope?

305
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,373
I mean, when's the last time
you weren't high?

306
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:29,042
My birth.

307
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,577
But I was really drunk.

308
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,013
I had just had a bottle of wine.

309
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,048
Well, my mother had.

310
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,325
I have to go wait
on those customers.

311
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:37,951
Do what you can
to get with the program.

312
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,853
I mean, get off the program.

313
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:43,423
You can't bake not baked.

314
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,092
Big Mary?

315
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,059
John?

316
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,895
Why not try my new name?

317
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,330
Quasimodo.

318
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,598
Do you have any weed?

319
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,400
Do I have any weed?

320
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,303
Let me check my hump.

321
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,339
Nope.
No weed.

322
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,141
Thanks, rico.
I didn't want to ask

323
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,243
due to the city-wide ban
on racial profiling.

324
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,614
Wow.
This dish room is cleaner

325
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:12,085
than Chris christie's plate
after lunch.

326
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,021
Max, I need two lavender
macaroons.

327
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,023
- Where are they?
- I'm working on them.

328
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,658
Well, good.
I'm so proud of you.

329
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,428
This is so freaky Friday.

330
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,133
Here are the lavender macaroons.

331
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:29,136
See? Even just holding this,
I'm better.

332
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,604
Now we just have to hope
nothing goes wrong.

333
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,106
(Sophie)
Surprise!

334
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,981
We all came to support you.

335
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,788
(Caroline)
Well, that's it.

336
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,666
The New York times food critic
may be in the same room

337
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,326
as han, Earl, Oleg, and Sophie.

338
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:57,297
We're dead.
Time of death, 11:30.

339
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,599
I believe it's more like 4:20.

340
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:06,406
Oh, Caroline,
i love your new place.

341
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,942
It's so fresh and pretty.

342
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:13,280
It kind of looks like
a douche commercial.

343
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:14,581
You're right, baby.

344
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,617
It looks exactly like
a douche commercial.

345
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,520
Okay.
Can we stop saying "douche"

346
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,355
in the fancy pastry shop?

347
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,392
I agree.
Not appropriate.

348
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,727
Caroline, darling,
slip my phone number

349
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,697
to that fine nubian Princess.

350
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,100
And tell her not to be
fooled by my bad hip.

351
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:37,737
I can still gently
rock her world.

352
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,606
Okay, guys,
what are you doing here

353
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,441
and how quickly can you leave?

354
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,542
Real nice.

355
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,643
After we came all this way

356
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,378
to just order only desserts

357
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:46,679
that Max knows how to make

358
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,582
and to say nice things
about you as a waitress.

359
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,584
Oh, you'd do that for me?

360
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,653
Hell no, i can't pull that off.

361
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,157
If I could act,
I'd sell the restaurant

362
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,559
and get cast in two-line roles
as the doctor

363
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:03,130
on any network television show.

364
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,131
Sophie's the actress.

365
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:07,234
And trust me,
she's got quite a repertoire.

366
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,469
In bed, I call her meryl sheets.

367
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,438
Do it, baby.

368
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:19,279
[southern belle accent]
Oh, what a lovely place.

369
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,481
That's the accent she uses
when we play

370
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,683
"12 years a sex slave."

371
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,787
Lovely, be right back.

372
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,257
Oh, and, welcome to the high.

373
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,069
(Joedth)
What's going on
with that table?

374
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,728
Is there a European circus
in town?

375
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,031
A circus?
Well, I wouldn't know.

376
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,599
I really have no idea
who they are.

377
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,102
That didn't require an answer.

378
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:45,372
It was just one
of my dead-on observations.

379
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,806
Just get rid of them.

380
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:52,745
Tell them we've run out
of funnel cakes.

381
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:57,317
Well, I'm feeling like
my old self.

382
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,087
Joe just told me to lose han,
Earl, Oleg, and Sophie.

383
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,389
How am I supposed to
lose that many people?

384
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,691
I'm not air traffic control.

385
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,593
You are acting like
they don't know how to act

386
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,528
in a fancy place.

387
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,397
[Sophie, yelling]
Girls, look!

388
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:14,134
Oleg's wearing
his napkin as a party hat.

389
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:17,137
[Sophie laughing]

390
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,142
Here's your dessert.
Bon appetite.

391
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,511
Max, I can't believe
you just made that.

392
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,613
Neither can I.

393
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,748
And what did you say
to Oleg and Sophie?

394
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,617
It's been an hour,
and I haven't seen

395
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,153
any over-the-table
penetration.

396
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,555
I just told them
to be on their best behavior,

397
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,424
and they're fine with it.

398
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,226
Excuse me, Max.

399
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,327
Yes, hi.

400
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,828
May I go tinkle?

401
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:46,233
Or is that against the law here
at Guantanamo dessert bay?

402
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,801
I'm gonna go have sex
in the ladies room.

403
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:52,105
Unless you two prudes
have a problem with that, too.

404
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,508
Excuse me.

405
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:56,685
Can I get a latte
and a red wine?

406
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,245
[Clears throat]

407
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,080
'Cause I got a Vicodin
stuck in my throat.

408
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:04,717
Oh, my god.

409
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,119
Who could be that messed up

410
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,720
in the middle of the afternoon?

411
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:11,524
Uh, my new best friend.

412
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,460
I better get rid of her
before Joe

413
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,262
or that times critic walks in.

414
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,465
You keep doing good things
by accident.

415
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,699
Hi, can I get a...

416
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,468
You sure can.
Anywhere but here.

417
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:24,537
(Woman)
Oh, no. Spinning's not good
for me right now.

418
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,874
(Joedth)
What is she doing here?

419
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,342
Leaving.
You never saw her.

420
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:30,777
- Wait...
- Joe, I got this.

421
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,312
My bestie at school
was totally hooked

422
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,481
on prescription pills
for, like, a week.

423
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,816
Hey, hi, you.

424
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,886
Excuse me.
Where is Max?

425
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,354
She's in the back for a sec.

426
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,722
So...

427
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,657
We meet again.

428
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,926
Sir, do you need something
in the back?

429
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,496
Yes, Caroline said
she'd bring me a napkin,

430
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:54,367
but I could get time Warner
on the phone faster than that.

431
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:55,468
Just ask Max.

432
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:59,339
She covers for Caroline
all the time at the diner.

433
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,508
Max?

434
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:04,677
Ooh.
Drama at the high.

435
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,646
Han, that's my new boss.

436
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,348
Stop talking.

437
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,718
Also, stop collecting stickers.
You're a grown-up.

438
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,854
Okay, I threw that drug addict
out.

439
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,824
That drug addict
is my girlfriend.

440
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,327
More drama at the high.

441
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,529
And Caroline, we have a problem.

442
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,331
You called Allie a drug addict.

443
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,432
Oh, is that her name?

444
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,666
Allie?
So cute.

445
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,668
Even lovelier.

446
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,637
And according
to that very small man,

447
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,806
you're also a terrible waitress.

448
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,909
But I had no idea
you two were together.

449
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,547
I would have thought
a powerful...

450
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,216
Stop. Now.

451
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,952
Joe, look, we really need
these jobs.

452
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,288
We made a bad decision
with our bakery business,

453
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,558
and we have a big bank loan
that we can't pay.

454
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,825
Honesty.
Good.

455
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,827
People respond to honesty.

456
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,797
I don't, but they do.

457
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,399
Max, you have potential here.

458
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,901
Caroline,
you're fired as a waitress.

459
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,937
Are you sure?

460
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,205
Stop!

461
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,345
There's nothing in there
to save you.

462
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,883
Well, if she's fired,
I'm fired, too.

463
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,319
Oh, relax, Norma rae.

464
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,987
She's fired as a waitress,

465
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,290
but she's hired as a hostess.

466
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,825
I am?
Why?

467
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,794
Because you're pretty,
you flashed a boob,

468
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,530
and you took more control
of Allie in five minutes

469
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,900
than anybody's been able to do
in her three rehab stints.

470
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:38,405
And that, lady,
is a New York City hostess.

471
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,545
Well, girls, I struck out.

472
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:50,016
Bill cosby has ruined it
for all black men over 70

473
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:53,920
who are just trying
to buy a gal a drink.

474
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,826
Max, how do you like that?

475
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,028
I'm the hostess.
I got a promotion!

476
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,630
I don't think
a hostess is a promo...

477
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:05,965
It is, Max, 'cause with a
less-than-zero bank balance,

478
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,800
it has to be.
It's all I have left.